amylenore

Undone

HPIM6434I have a problem with finishing my work. I will start a painting with every intention of actually finishing it, but then I get frustrated, or bored, or tired of it – whatever – so I put it aside and start working on something else. Pictured are a few of my “undone” pieces. I have more but couldn’t fit them all into the picture. Do I procrastinate? Sometimes. Other times I just feel like I cannot make the painting the way I want it to be. I doubt my ability. There are also times when I look at my work and think, “Who is going to buy that? Other artists are way better than me.” I compare myself to others way too much. I do that in other areas of my life as well. I compare my abilities as a cake decorator to others in the business. A good friend of mine told me not to compare my roses to another person’s roses because everyone is different and that difference is okay. I compare my appearance to other people I see when I am out and about. I am not judging the other people – I am judging myself. I compare my living situation and financial status to others. You know what I mean. The result of all of this is that I feel terrible – like I myself am “undone.” I hate when I do this, yet I keep on doing it. How can I ever become “complete” when I keep seeing the inadequacies in myself and my life? How depressing. There is something I do like about myself though and perhaps it is the key to eventually feeling complete. Even though I stop and put things aside or see myself as inadequate, I keep on moving forward. I may put a painting aside, but then I pick up another and start over. I may initially fail at getting in shape, but I keep trying. When my finances are tight I try to figure out how to improve my income – or reduce my spending. Even though I have doubts and failures, I just keep moving forward. Perhaps that will get me to a place of “completeness” someday. I sure hope so.

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This entry was published on April 11, 2013 at 8:22 pm. It’s filed under Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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