amylenore

I don’t know

The photo here is of my youngest son going to pick a plum at the house we were moving into last October. We’re all moved in and are enjoying ourselves and he can’t wait for more plums later on this year. Why did I choose this photo today? I don’t know except that it represents a change in our lives. We moved from our last home due to the threat of foreclosure which I am still dealing with (I hate banks). Our new home (a rental) is an older manufactured home that has some issues but overall is safe and sound. We are about 5 minutes from downtown yet the property is rural in nature which I really like. The problem I have had though with the move has to do with my ability to be creative. I blame a lot of things about my lack of creativity – the lighting in the house really stinks!!! My room has no overhead light. I have two lamps but I still have a problem with seeing my work adequately. My eyesight has gotten bad and I’ve had trouble finding the right glasses to deal with it. When I do paint, I am never quite happy with the results and that frustrates me. The longer I go the less confident I am of my ability and so I don’t try very hard. Recently I lost the drive to paint which has surprised me. I’ve been a bit interested in other creative activities – sculpture and mosaics – but am afraid to put a lot of effort into it because I feel that I won’t be successful. I keep thinking though that somehow everything that I have managed to do will come together at some point – painting, sculpture, mosaics. But I don’t know how or when and I just feel like I am in a holding pattern – just waiting for something to change. Of couse I should get up and make the change myself, but don’t know where to begin. It’s kinda like waiting for that plum – you know that something good is coming but you have to wait. Pull it off too soon and the fruit is bitter, too late and it is overripe. Gotta pick it at just the right time to taste its perfect sweetness. So I’ll wait awhile longer to figure it out and just know that when the time is right, I’ll know it and be able to make the change needed to find my perfect plum.

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This entry was published on May 2, 2012 at 8:11 pm. It’s filed under Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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